Ready to Climb

I recently ran into a friend of mine who I hadn't seen since my marriage ended. He is the husband of my dear friend and I love both of them immensely. He asked me how I was doing as he slowly shook his head in disbelief. "I know, I know. It IS hard to believe this happened."

I caught him up to speed and told him how much better of a place I'm in today vs. even a few weeks ago. And he looked at me with confidence and said, "Of course you are. You're a fighter. You're a fighter, Ann. And you have nothing to worry about. You have an incredible career, a beautiful daughter, you are professional and smart and there is no doubt you will be okay..."

I'm a fighter.

That's all I heard.

I explained to him how I felt like I've turned a corner in this horrific season and I can finally see the light. Rock bottom is a thing of the past (though we are not immune to a future rock bottom) and now the climb awaits. I had to stay at the bottom for a bit. Well, I had no choice because I was incapable of going anywhere else. I camped out at the bottom of the mountain without any gear, no flashlight, I had minimal food and only ounces of water and I trembled with fear. I was being eaten alive by the mountain. That's how it felt. This is how it feels when the person you fought for, your husband, leaves. This is how it feels to get hurt by the person you love the most. This is how divorce feels. It was dark and lonely and scary and the mountain was big and was swallowing me.

But almost in an instant, one by one, my people showed up. I wrote all about it, about the most insane love I've experienced yet. They brought me gear. A flashlight. Ropes. Food. Water. They spoke life over me, covering that fear with faith. They showed me how to climb the mountain. They each held my hand, my feet, my heart. We will walk with you up this mountain, Ann. You aren't alone. Just get up and take a step. We have blankets of hope and love to cover you with. We will guide you and direct you.

This is what God does. He gives us His people to help us climb the mountain because mountains aren't meant to be climbed alone. Especially not this one.

Able to stand, fed and watered and loved and supported, it was time to face this. I looked at the rubble, the mess of my life in front of me and I begged God for clarity on how my husband could do this to me. God answered. Within hours I was set free. I would move on when my marriage didn't.

But moving on didn't mean I was ready to climb the m